This story is dedicated to my Mom & Dad; who always be there whenever I feel like crying, laughing, and breaking down. I love you mom & dad.

The night was a bit warmer than the previous one. Forcing me to berbogel-dada, like what my ex-room-mate in MRSM said last time. It means tak berbaju. Belenging. This warm night reminds me on how I have tried to be so independent in my life. And how badly I wanted to prove to my other friends that I am such a guy; who's always has a cigarette put sandwiched between the alpha male lips; and running back and forth in the padang bola with a yellow jersey sticking on the sweaty chest & abs.

And that was so immature of me. Luckily it was like... 8 years ago?

Today, the night is still like those days in the school. And precisely at this moment, I am sitting on top of kerusi kayu antik; owned by my mom. And I am berbogel-dada as usual. It is not like I don't like to wear shirt; or that I love to see my body... because I only have a nice abs; not chest. I am a skinny dude. Yet, the bulu-bulu has started to fill up the empty-center-space of my perut. Playing with those bulu somehow arouse me. I feel great.

Then, I remember how my mom slowly made me become independent in my life. At least, now, I can go to the immigration and register for a passport without anybody accompanying me. And of course, I pay for the passport with my own money.

Those days in SMK Melawati, mom always asked me to go to Kedai Tenaga (TNB) to pay the bills, while she stayed in the car; outside; not coming out as she's double-parked. The same thing goes when she needed to send some registered mail to someone. She'll be in the car, while I will be the one who do the walking-far-away, and take the nombor giliran, and waited for my number to be called. Only to find that the money that mom gave me sometimes is not enough that I have to use my baki duit belanja to top up. Being 14 years old & in Form 3 that time, you cannot blame me why sometimes I preferred to stay back late in the school so that I won't be facing the same situation again & again.

How mean!

15 years old. Form 4. In a MRSM. Boarding school.

It's a yeay for me as I now no need to face the walking-take number-waiting-not enough money thingy. For the first time I feel free. Free from the babbles, all the nasihats, and all the 'jangan lupa siapkan kerja sekolah' talking. But that wasn't long until I realized that I'd just put my life into a guarded fences of Rules & Laws of STUDENT'S LIFE. I can't do this. I can't do that. This is forbidden. If you do this, your name will be announce in monthly assembly. And oh, not to forget; the seniors who sometimes make you look so stupid.

Surprisingly, I survived that 2 years. Of course, 1 year being a super-poyo Senior with a lot of peminats ranging from Form 1 until Form 4. Ranging from girls... to boys. But during my student's life in MRSM, I hardly miss solat Subuh. Thanks to my room-mates who were Biro Dakwah & Agama, Biro Akademik & Biro Komunikasi. Both Biro Akademik & Komunikasi wear songkok all the time, so I assumed that they perform the solat 5 kali sehari as well. Pendek kata, I was a good-boy and calon menantu pilihan ramai-lah those days.

College time. I thanked my parents for their willingness to support me with the studies. Both financially, and motivationally. I am so happy that I have started to understand the word independent. I don't depend on my room-mates to wake me up for Subuh; as Syaitan has already helped me pulling the selimut and asked me to sleep instead of solat. I, sometimes felt very lazy to go to the Kelas Ko-K at 5 pm. Instead, I went to the court to play squash with K.E. Eventhough I (always) lost to him, but we enjoyed the games with the sweats & laughs. He, somehow became a brother of mine there... in the court. He kept me motivated.

University. I am 75% (in-)dependent. Yeap. Financial is crucial. My PTPTN was just enough for the expensive-university-fees. Leaving me only RM170 to survive the whole semester. No wonder youth generation hates the government. They give the full loan to the well-doing-family's kid; but not those who actually need the loan more than them. I guess.

Back to the real life. It's already 11.28pm when I started to write this paragraph. I just got back home from fetching my younger sister from her workplace. Thanks to the celebration of Thaipusam, I have to take the alternative roads which are full-ed with bonggols & junctions, and the lopak-lopak too. That my journey took longer than usual by 10 minutes. I can't blame the JKR as they berJasa Kepada Rakyat very well. And I can't blame the Thaipusam, because it's their people's belief. And of course, I cannot blame my sister! Because she's not totally independent yet.

Unlike us. The older people.



  1. FaizalSulaiman said...
    nice one bro!

    sometimes people around us gives a lot of motivation to survive:)
    Joey said...
    I am independent.

    But somehow i am want to have something I can hold.

    It feels good eh, when you can rely on somebody.

    I just couldn't find.

    P/S terus keluar Lagu Bound to You by Christina Aguilera.
    NUke_Rude said...
    yeap :)

    yeah. got ur points. sometimes, it's all about urself that nak rasa bagaimana bergantung pada org lain.


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